Sarah Louise Bradshaw, the narrator of Katherine Paterson's Jacob Have I Loved, both loves and hates her twin sister, Caroline. When Caroline is called upon to sing "I wonder as I wander," Sarah Louise finds it to be a lonely song and that she and other members of the audience have been "judged, damned and purged" by Caroline's pure and beautiful voice (Paterson, 1980, p. 37). The relationship of Sarah Louise to her sister - and the equally important relationship she enjoys with God - is evoked by this song and Sarah Louise's response to it.
The attitude of Sarah Louise toward Caroline is complex (Paterson, 1980). On the one hand, she recognizes that her sister is am integral part of her own being; as twins, they share womb memories and many other aspects of their physical and psychological nature. They are nevertheless competitors for the love and admiration of parents, relatives and friends. Sarah Louise knows that in some ways, Caroline has more talents than she herself. In other ways, she regards Caroline as less bright than herself and as a very real competitor. She further challenges God's decision to allow her to have a twin and to be subordinate to that sister.
Interestingly, the song sung by Caroline serves to emphasize the fact that Caroline is as lonely and as conflicted as Sarah Louise herself. Neither of the sisters is fully comfortable in their own skins; neither feels successful or truly complete. As Sarah Louise notes in the opening pages of the book, she and her sister have separately arrived at the realization that they cannot live on Rass Island and that they cannot live together. However, they will always be connected in an intimate way because of their shared past and birth.
The song sung by Caroline evokes in listeners a sense of having been found somewhat wanting. God is a presence in the lives of these young girls, but it is a challenging and difficult presence. Sarah Louise is simulta...